I have been contemplating writing a blog for YEARS! I mean YEARS! But I had the same reservations, or excuses, as any wanna be blogger. "I am not a writer, I am a painter" or "I don't know what to write" or "I have to much to write" or "My father will torment me with spelling and grammar errors". All of the above are true, I am gonna do it anyway, what the hell.
Now is a perfect time, and not because I am not busy, an artist life is never left without anything to do, but maybe those that aren't that busy will have the time to read it. Hey, I can be as interesting as anyone else trying to find meaning in the the time of Corona.
My life, as an artist, has not changed much. The irony of being an artist is that one aspect of our work is to share our version of our world, but in order to do that we must separate ourselves from the world in order to create our version of it. So the artist life can be very isolating and alienating. I have been practicing this solo show for years now, so I feel I got this lockdown, down.
In fact, social distancing, or as I prefer to call it, respectful social awareness, relieves me of many underlying anxieties that I didn't even realized plagued me (no pun intended) until now. Where am I going to go tonight? What am I going to wear? Do I really need to shave my legs? Should I paint or Salsa dance, paint or go an art show, paint or go meet the girlies at happy hour? Maybe I can have the girlies here for happy hour while I paint?
Where to go and who to see is out of the equation, and I really, really, really like this temporary freedom. Now I am available physically and mentally to do so many things that I have severely been putting off. For example, beginning this blog, or read those books I have been carrying around for DECADES, meditate, or finally do my taxes (This, is in fact, is the singularly most painful act for me, besides a root canal, I think I will meditate.)
However, like everyone else, certain anxieties remain the same. Where is the money? Always in the end, where is the money going to come from? I remember painfully this dread during the financial crisis of 2009. However, I do look back at that time and remember how much the fear of what could have happened caused so much more emotional and psychological torment than was necessary that this time I made a concrete commitment to not go to that debilitating place over something that I can't control. I mean, everything that I feared would happen actually did happen, and I am all the better for it. So I am not going there.
SO what can I control? My artwork.
What will I create now in the time of Corona? Art that will forever mark this time in history. Art that is intended for hope and inspiration in a time of distress. Art that feeds the heart and inspires transcendence and opulence into the world. Art that makes you forget. Art that makes you remember that; this too, shall pass.
Today I am feeling calm, optimistic, and actually happy. But I am aware that this is only today. (Truth be told, I'm starting to get a bit itchy about formatting this blog; a techie I am not, another reason not to blog.) This blog with explore all the facets of an artists life, or really my life, in all its diversities. My intention is not to glorify myself, or nurture narcissistic tendencies. It is, in fact, for me on a personal growth level. I need an outlet to organize my thoughts, to be clear about my intentions and discover really what is important to me. Sometimes I will be funny, sometimes I may be pissed, and sometimes I just might make you cry. If I do, then my writing skills are rocking! Another irony of the fine artist is that we use paintings to express our inner world, but, at least for me, I don't always have the words to explain my painting. I am now exploring another avenue of creation, the capacity to communicate more truthfully and authentically, with words, not only in painting.
This is enough for me write for now. This was really hard. Seriously. I am exhausted. I feel like I just wrote Anna Karennina. Wow, this is going to be a long journey. Just the formatting was difficult, It will get better, I promise, hang in there with me.
Please, all comments and dialougue welcome. That is part of this endeavor, and I want to hear everything everyone has to say, the good, the bad, and the ugly, Bring it on, I'm not scared!
Thank you very much for being here. Be safe, sanitized, and solaced.